runaway #1 - #5
i noticed today, while walking towards the drug store window, that i walk like a really old dog who is trying to wag his tail as he excitedly waddles to his master. have you ever seen how old dogs do that? well, due to my bad back, that is exactly what i look like. chermaine told me that they don't have humidity in arizona, so that's what i'm gonna do. i'm packing all my shit, and me and the beverage cart girl from the golf course are gonna take a bus to phoenix and get an apartment. we'll find shit jobs and just hang out at night and drink cans of beer and watch the traffic go by. i told bradi that i'd try to quit smoking so much.
we don't even have any money and the shit just keeps accumulating in this god forsaken motel room. there must be three broken t.v.'s in here for fuck's sake. i came here to see my dreams come true, but every day i am met with another shopping cart of radios, lobster traps, and night stands coming through that goddamned door. my dream was to throw darts for a living, but cause i'm so short, i can't go into the pubs and compete the way i know i could. i mean, they won't let me stand on a box of encyclopedias like you do. i'm gonna go back to mamma's and try to get a job at the hardee's or something.
p.s. nabil was looking for the rent for last month.
its awful living in this podunk town when your gay. lord knows i've tried to do right by you with your new job and all, but i just can't take the pressure anymore. the looks i get when i go into town to do laundry or go shopping are just too much. it must all go back to when my father tried to hide me from everyone when we lived on the army base. he knew i was different and he never ONCE took me to the officer's club, even for the annual picnic. nobody tells the truth anymore, but i'm here to say that the people in this town are all morally bankrupt. they think they aren't, but when i hear the whispers and see the looks, i just wanna bash their heads in with a #10 can of saurkraut. if you ever wanna try to find me, i think i'm going to abilene where i know some guys.
dear mom, i had to cry myself to sleep every night when i heard you take your nightly beating. you try to hide it in the morning but i see the blood on the sheets, the bruises on your face. i try not to look at him or you anymore. that's why i stay out as late as possible and leave as early as possible. i've tried to help you, but the situation just gets worse. justin told me a place i can go in laguna where i can stay until i finish high school. if you ever get the courage to get out, tell justin, i will be calling him from time to time.
this is such a goddamned mess. fuck it! for years, everytime we went to the yacht club i thought it was quality time that you and i spent alone. little did i know that you were fucking christine in the lock-up. and how about you and tyler down below when i was sunbathing on the deck. fuck you! how do i know you weren't screwing every single one of the girls at the club. teenagers goddamnit! fucking teenagers! i should turn you in but it would hurt the kids too much (financially, cause you sure as shit didn't spend any time with them) you need to fucking grow up, you asshole. as for me, i'm going back to maryland until we figure out who gets what.